A Prayer

Oh God...let my thorns always keep me seeking you.  Let your power be mighty in my weakness.

Written March 12, 2018 but it went unpublished until today May 19, 2020 after a discussion at a bible study tonight made me think back a bit on my journey. Tonight a group of women who are newer in their walks with Christ asked how long it took me to get where I am in my faith today...and I just have to stop and praise God for all that He has done and is still doing in me.

Having Faith

A bible verse that has become one of my favorites in the last few years is Jeremiah 29:11..."For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

With so much at stake in a move far from the place we'd spent most of our lives and that where we thought we'd settled for the long haul...it is easy to let doubt creep in at the first sign of anything gone wrong.  There have been things that have happened that looked like gloom and doom but I praise God for continually showing us that He does indeed have plans to prosper us and not harm us.  I am ever grateful for the reminders that God is more powerful than anything we come against. And that He will be present with us if we only ask and allow Him room in our hearts.

Jeremiah 29:11 continues on into verse 12 and 13 saying..."Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."

I know that we will continue to face challenges that can easily cause doubt but because I have a God that stands at the ready to listen to me when my heart is open to Him...I will not lose hope and I will call on Him with faith...and I will joyfully pursue His will.

Matthew 21-22..."Jesus answered, "I tell you the truth, if you have faith and do not doubt, you will be able to do to this tree what I did and even more. You will be able to say to this mountain, 'Go, fall into the sea.' And if you have faith, it will happen. If you believe, you will get anything you ask for in prayer."

Looking Back

When I was a child, I had some difficuly when I experienced something new.  Nothing anyone would really notice but more internal thoughts and emotions.  Once my mom took me to try a new dance studio because she wanted me to be able to grow more in the area of tap.  I remember that it was a very nice but older looking studio with small hallways and lots of brick and girls who looked like real ballerinas (to my childhood eyes) stretching in their toe shoes in the hallway.  The studio was beautiful and I don't recall anything being bad about the experience it was just different...new...not the cozy familiar blanket of things that I was used to and knew of what to expect.  We got in the car to go home and I burst out in tears.

When my older daughter came home from her first day of school, she had her own burst of tears...well a few of them actually.  They started in relation to small things but her dad and I knew that it was all the internal emotions that had been churning inside her all day long in a new school with new teachers, new hallways, new classrooms, new kids; all coming to the surface and flowing over.  All of her familiar and expected things were gone and in their place so many new things to navigate.

Recently, we went to check out a boy scout troop for our son that happens to meet at our new church.  He seemed to have a good time but when we pulled into our  at home he started talking about how he hates living on this "stupid island."  How he hates the bugs and the hills and all the trees.  He decided that camping with boy scouts on Long Island would be a stupid idea because of all the bugs and I explained that camping is done where there are trees and that is where bugs are no matter where you are...not just Long Island.  I could tell that he was feeling some of those stresses of things being so different and I explained to him how everything will be new this year but in a year things will begin to be the same as the year before and he will have a new norm so that it won't always feel the way it does now.  But also reminded him that because he was so much older when we moved that he has the blessing of a lot of memories from Michigan.  We also talked a little bit about how living in different places and having all these new experiences makes you grow too.  I told him how proud I am of him in how he has handled all of these changes in his life and how cool it is that he will be such a well-rounded person with all of these different experiences.

Not long after that, I went to my daughter's meet the teacher night and, because my husband had a presentation to give at the Lions Club, I went alone.  When I left it was dark out and many memories of leaving my school building and walking out to my car in a dark parking lot to drive home up Groesbeck after my own curriculum nights as a teacher came flashing back to me.  All my emotions about change came pouring out in tears on an unfamiliar drive to home.

There's something about making a big change that makes you think differently about the past.  Our move to New York has been positive overall.  I've been surprised by how easily all the members of our family seem to have adapted to a new home, in a new place, with a new church and new schools.  There have been some short-lived grumblings about living in a smaller house or not having sidewalks to ride bikes on but overall things have went smoothly.  Yet we ebb and flow between looking forward and looking back.

My conclusive thought about looking back is that the past often has that cozy blanket feel because we know how it all went down.  We know that the bad times were survived, questions we once had were answered, and we came out on the other side to where we are now.  But when we stand in the present, we have new questions about how things will all turn out.  At times that is exciting but more often it is scary, confusing, and overwhelming.  I am grateful for the knowledge that I learned during one of those years past that was less like a cozy blanket and more like a burlap sack,which is that; being in God's will is THE best place to be in the present because it causes me to look less at the past with longing for that cozy blanket of familiarity and instead look forward in confidence to the ways I will grow in my relationship with God and how He will use me to share His love in this everchanging world.

Weird

I am grateful for the difficult things I've been through in life because they are a constant reminder of the greatest lesson I ever learned.  That lesson being that no matter where we are on life's journey, it's all about our relationship with God...our connectedness with Him...our daily choice to let go of earthly distractions and to listen to His voice in our lives.  If you know Him personally, you know that He is good, so undeniably good...and this world can be so bad and so temporary.  Life can be so bittersweet.  The sweet that comes in precious memories made and thought back on through our days and the bitter that comes with the hard to bare experiences of life that leave us with scars.  

One of my closest friends became a widow at the age of 36 and strangely we found ourselves, in the midst of our very different circumstances, finding our best descriptor for life was the word weird.  Not much beauty or explanation in such a word as weird but it really seemed to fit during a time when left with such huge things to wrap our minds around.  Time is weird...all the unexpected things that go on in life...just super weird.  But one thing is constant and that is our God who is not confined to these weird things that send us reeling.  He is our constant, our lighthouse, our anchor that keeps us where we should be.  Such peace in knowing that time and change and earthly things don't change Him or our eternal home...praise be to God!

Life

*I wrote this blog on January 18, 2017...I've got to get out of this habit of not publishing when I write!

This blog is what happens when you've drank a little wine, watched a documentary about a very famous mother/daughter pair who died one after the other over the Christmas break while you watched one of them star in a movie, you're really trying to make sense of the fact that you're moving far away and starting a completely new life (complete with many deep life talks with your children because you desperately want them to grow to be healthy, Christ centered people), and one of your best friends has suddenly become a widow at the age of 36.  Life is the weirdest thing.  It's  so fleeting yet so long. So simple yet so complicated.  Sometimes it seems you just get a glimpse of the way God sees it and it can give you such peace.  So beautiful and fascinating when you feel the fullness of the emotion of life.  In this one moment, I can think of reasons to be so completely broken in despair and yet, because I know God personally through Jesus; I can at the same time see the wonder that is God's big picture.  The picture of love that is the beginning and the end.

It's such a struggle...sometimes you want to live exclusively for the eternal kingdom...sometimes you want to live for only the temporary here and now.  Sometimes you only feel the reality of the here and now and the eternal can seem so far off or even unreal.  I'm appreciative for the times, though they may be painful or feel scary, that I feel wholy attached to what is beyond this life.  The things of this life can never fully satisfy and I am grateful that there is a bigger picture that our loving God can see all of.

Getting Somewhere...Where I Am

I believe I wrote this post sometime between January and March...not sure why I never published it!

I had a realization the other day.  First and foremost, I want to say that I am grateful for everything I have.  It takes work to not take things for granted because the reality is that the world often sucks you in to believing some untrue things..."it won't happen to me" kinds of things.  There's always time or another day for things.  So I was feeling two-fold the other day, frustrated with some things in life and grateful for what I had.  My frustration was born out of having a sense that there is something more that I may be being called to.  I've been feeling that way for at least a year and a half now.  While going through the daily in and out of a teaching job that feels vastly different than it did when I first started and feeling the continued tug of needs of a family that I dearly love, along with a plethora of other things vying for time; I constantly question if I am on the right path.

So my realization was that maybe I could be getting somewhere right where I am. Here I am on this current path , and as I wait for what God has in store next (not knowing how far out it may be), what will I do to make sure things are as they should be in the here and now?  If I was truly holding onto what I learned two years ago...I would be able to be a lot more content right where I am.  I need to allow God to prepare me in the here and now for whatever may be around the corner.

Anxiety

Growing up, I had a tough time dealing with medical stuff and myself or others suffering in any way physically.  For example, I would pass out if I scraped my knee, had to get a splinter removed, had to get a shot or a blood draw.  I would also get woozy just hearing a story about someone else that went through something health-wise or if I saw someone injured or donating blood (volunteered to help at a blood drive in college knowing that I couldn't give...big mistake, but at least I tried).  I got far better about those types of things when I was older, but developed different issues after having children.  I once would not let Matthew and Nolan go to the grocery store one night because I feared something bad was going to happen to them.  I struggled with the passing of time in reference to my children getting older and would have emotional distress over it.  If my husband and I had an argument, I nearly had a panic attack, well, one time I think I did...had a hard time breathing.

Fast forward to not too long ago when I got a phone call that an ambulance had been called for my daughter to her elementary school.  Turned out, they had been trying out new heart rate monitor bands and my daughter nearly passed out (which looked like a possible seizure) because she was nervous about wearing the band.  Once I heard all the parts of the story, I completely understood what had happened.  My daughter has the same issues I've had.  She passed out when she scraped her knee, needed a splinter removed, had a shot, and now this.  I had to put a name on it this time because I realized I would have to be able to label it to describe it to her future teachers, coaches, and caretakers.

ANXIETY. That was it.
By definition: a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome.  A nervous disorder characterized by a state of excessive uneasiness and apprehension, typically with compulsive behavior or panic attacks.

It was the first time I'd put a label on it for myself.  But even when I couldn't label what I struggled with, I was able to get a hold of it.  When I decided to make God my priority and be in relationship with Him daily through prayer and reading His word, I stopped struggling with anxiety.  When I am not spending time with my creator and redeemer, I still struggle with anxiety.

So I guess God has gifted me with some anxiety issues, in a way.  I don't have to deal with it much when I am focused on Him....which I am grateful for because I totally suck at staying focused on Him!  And I want to and I need to and I love it when I am.  Such peace, joy, clarity, hope...so many gifts from knowing Him!

Below are some bible versus that have given me peace and helped me to have strength in the face of anxiety.

Jeremiah 29:11-13
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.  You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

Romans 8:28
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Proverbs 3:6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.

Isaiah 55:9
For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.  As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.

Jeremiah 6:16
Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls.

Church

This morning, the roads were bad and so I decided that the kids and I would have church at home.  It was exciting to have an opportunity to show them that church is not about a place but about people gathered together to be with God to worship Him and learn about Him.  I prayed for God tell me what we should do in this service at home and  the picture below on the left shows you the bible versus that came to mind in that moment of prayer, as well as the music I was led to as I let my mind be open to what God would have us do.  On the right is the notes we made during the bible lesson, along with a note that one of my daughters wrote after we ended our service (God is good).

Bible Verses:

Exodus 20:22-23  Then the Lord told Moses to say these things to the Israelites: "You yourselves have seen that I talked with you from heaven.  You must not use gold or silver to make idols for yourselves; do not worship these gods in addition to me.

Jonah: Chapters 1 through 3

Music:

Word of God Speak by Mercy Me

God Speaking by Mandisa

More Observations of Time

When I stepped outside to take the dog out last night, the fog around me heightened my senses and helped me to focus on the things around me instead of my mind racing with a variety of thoughts focused on things outside of that moment in time.  I started to talk to God and to really look at everything around me.  Looking at the wood of the deck, the blades of grass, the light reflecting off of wet streets, and even the details of the outside of my house.  Things that I don't normally slow down and take the time to look at.  It jolted a memory of how I saw things when I was a child.  I remember taking the time to really look at things and really think about things.  Savoring moments more often and more thoroughly than I do now.  

This moment in my yard when I really allowed myself to look around and think about what was right in front of me, made me realize that we do that less and less as we grow older. There is always more and more to distract us from the present moment.  I think that the best way to move back in the other direction is by putting God first and spending time with Him in prayer.  When you do this and are able to put trust in the Lord with the happenings in your life, then you are able to let go of things you can't or shouldn't try to control.  You can feel peace in knowing that what you are doing is what God would have you do each day of your life.

Observations of Time

We view time so differently throughout the many contexts of our life.  Differently for so many reasons.  There are so many possibilities that influence the way we view time at any given year, day, or even moment of our lives.

Reflections on time gone by:

The way we feel about time when we look back on memories of the past is that it seems like it has gone by faster and faster the longer we live.  Is it because we have compiled so many memories?  Is it because we have filled our time with more and more distractions as the years have gone by?  When I asked my nine year old son what he thought about time, he said, "The last quarter of the year goes by faster than the first three quarters.  I think this is because there is so much more going on."  

The way we feel about time when we are faced with a crisis if often very different.  Twice in her life, one of my daughters has had an ambulance called on her for fear that she may have had a seizure.  The first time was when she was two and I was with her.  She had said from out of nowhere that she wanted Daddy and as I laid her down to change her diaper, she became unresponsive.  I remember calling her name to see if I could get her to respond and then immediately running to the nearby bedroom to get the phone.  I remember the fear I had when I returned while dialing 911 and she was still unresponsive.  I also remember telling the operator that I thought my two-year-old had had a seizure because at that point she was responsive again which helped me to realize what had probably happened.  I know rationally that this all happened very quickly, maybe in two minutes tops.  But when I reflected on it, it felt like so much longer.  I once again experienced the feeling of time going slowly when trying to get to my daughter's school after being notified that an ambulance had been called for her.  Thankfully, it did not turn out to be anything serious in either situation.

A testimony before a Senate subcommittee in 1965 predicted that by 1985, Americans would be working twenty-two hours less and retiring at age thirty-eight because of how much faster work could be accomplished through the use of new technologies.  Instead, by 1985 the average work week had increased from forty-one hours to forty-seven.  We instead became a society that demanded more stuff and that meant that the more you worked, the more money you were able to make in the new materialistic society.  We became a society that abuses the gift of time.  For many, how we prioritize our time, tends to get turned around.  Focusing first on advancing our positions, making more money, and spending it in a variety of ways that we believe fulfill our needs.

Reflections on time as God might view it:

I believe that time to God (if it exists as something to Him at all) is very different than our views of it. He is the beginning and the end.  

I am the Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the ending, saith the Lord, which is, and which was, and which is to come, the Almighty. Revelation 1:8  


This makes me believe that time is not necessarily linear to God.  I think this is why it is possible for Him to be all-knowing, knowing about everything that has or that will happen in our lives but also to be able to intercede on our behalf when we have asked and it is within His will (the best plan, even if we don't understand why in these moments).

Present in the Moment

Aaah....the great struggle to be present in the moment.  To truly live in the now.  Some purposely avoid living in the moment because it is painful.  Others believe that the future will be better and so they keep dreaming about tomorrow.  Think of how many times in your life you just wanted to know so badly how it all would turn out.  More times than you can count, I'm sure.  But we're not in our heavenly home yet.  It's not time yet to know how it all turned out.  We're in the thick of the battle. Moment by moment, decision by decision.  

I imagine our lives as a road map far more complicated than any real road map.  But the only parts you see at any given time are each based on all the possible decisions we could make at any given moment.  One of these roads is the one that God would have us choose.  The one that is in line with His will if we choose to be in relationship with Him and allow Him to guide us in our decision.  We may choose His way or we may choose another.  I believe that when we choose a road other than the one He would have us choose, new roads arise with our next decision and the awesomeness of our God is that these new roads always include His road.  He never leaves us.  He is always making a way for us that is good.  Not necessarily easy or only full of happy moments but one that is purposeful, without regrets, brave, meaningful and joy filled no matter what the world throws our way.

Be present.  See in each moment the roads before you and always seek to find the one that God would have you choose.  We all have moments that we choose the wrong roads.  I know that daily I take several side streets that were not God's way.  In my life I have also taken far too many of the wrong main roads and even highways too.  But no matter how much I've made a mess of things and no matter how much the enemy wants me to think I'm stuck in a traffic jam that I can't get out of (that feeling of hopelessness); God makes a way.  Wherever you are on your road map...find God's road.  Find peace there.  Find purpose there.  Find joy there.  Find unconditional love there.

Jeremiah 29:11 New International Version (NIV)
For I know the plans I have for you, "declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Brandon Heath's No Turning Back
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P_TGh9-iabM

Patience with Persistence...and always Prayer

I have had some moments over the last year that have left me with lingering feelings about what God would have done in my life.  These moments rush in with a sense of urgency and leave me feeling so grateful that God would entrust me to carry out His will.  I immediately want to throw caution to the wind and act on these feelings but often find roadblocks along the way.  

I have learned the importance of patience and continued trust in God, and more recently, the importance of persistence.  These roadblocks do not necessarily mean that those moments were not of God.  The enemy is constantly at work and would hate to have God's will fulfilled through me.  So I must press on and continue to pray and hear the voice of truth above all the other voices.  

I have also learned that I cannot just sit back and wait for what God spoke to me to fall in my lap.  I must act on it as He directs me to.  Once again, it's gotten hard to keep my priority focused on the Lord....so...I think it's time for peanut butter and jelly prayer (see my previous post Peanut Butter and Jelly, August 24, 2014)!  

This post brought a great song to my mind.  Here's the link:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9pv5wVS7yzk

The Choice

We all make mistakes.  Some of those mistakes have bigger ramifications than others.  When the regret rolls in and the pain, shame, and feelings of worthlessness or hopelessness start to cloud our view; we have two roads to choose between.  The story of Jesus, His journey to the cross and His relationship with two of His disciples exemplifies this choice.  

Peter and Judas were both his devoted followers and friends.  But Judas had a part to play in God's will so that we all may be eternally saved and live a joyful life.  He betrayed Jesus and sent Him into the hands of those who would torture and kill Him.  Peter also betrays Jesus.  To avoid the same fate as Jesus, he denies ever knowing him.  After Jesus' death, they are both overwhelmed with regret for the choices they made.  But they make two very different choices, one turns toward God and the other away.  Peter allows himself to be forgiven and be used powerfully by God throughout his life.  Judas stays focused on himself and on what he has done.  The darkness continues to grow as he chooses to walk further away from God and he ultimately takes his own life.

I see in their stories how great God's love is.  No matter how bad we screw up, God is always there hoping that we will take the road that Peter did.  He loved Peter and Judas just as much as He loves us, as a parent loves each of their children.  He forgave Peter and used him in amazing ways and He would have forgiven Judas too and used him in amazing ways.  

For every weakness we have, God's spirit is strong.  For every regret we carry, God is merciful to forgive.  When the way is unclear, turn to Him, He is waiting to do amazing things with you.

Staying Connected

I've been feeling a sense of restlessness for the last few weeks and it's been hard to discern why.  I've realized that the difficulty with my ability to discern is most likely caused by my letting the craziness of December get me away from prioritizing my alone time with God.  I hadn't had enough time in relationship with Him and I started to feel the downward spiral from living life more in tune with God to living life out of tune and on my own.  When I started to realize this, I got angry about Christmas.  I seem to have the hardest time staying close to God as the world is supposedly preparing to celebrate the gift of Christ to the world.  There are many contributing factors.  Including that by December I have been back at work for a few months at this point and am not as fresh, the weather is colder and the daylight shorter, and all the added stuff to do.

The fact that I was desiring growth and change but not staying connected to the one who can show me how to make this happen, ended up spelling internal chaos for me instead (and as a result some external too...sorry family!).

I've never been much of a fan of the new year, but in connecting it to renewal with God and giving him each day and moment of 2015, I'm feeling like it's my Christmas.  I will be praying for continued trust and faith but in conjunction with prioritized time in relationship with God.  I believe He will renew me and give me the love, patience, wisdom, trust, and persistence I need to live life in a way that requires faith but leads to greatness for God.

Lord I'm Ready Now

Someone was recently talking to me about their journey with God.  They admitted a lot of time spent "going it alone" rather than walking with God and our conversation made me think of (myself...and) the song, Lord I'm Ready Now, by Plum. Earlier in the week, I had listened to a radio segment where the artist shared the story of why she wrote the song.  She shared how her and her husband ended up divorced because she was living life on her own.  God was not her priority and she was distracted by many things of the world.  In the end, she gave her life over to God and her relationship with her husband was eventually restored.

Here's the link to the song on YouTube in case you need some inspiration.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zBUQqLp6N24

Anger

I aught to know by now not to get angry over small things.  I was angry with Matthew the other day because he forgot that he had signed up to sell popcorn this weekend and missed his opportunity to pick up the popcorn; which meant that I had to miss the class I usually take at the gym in order to pick up the popcorn the next day while he was at the Michigan State football game.  It turned out that the class I ended up going to was really good and it was earlier in the morning so I was able to take Nolan and Lyla to play tennis.  It was a beautiful day and we had such a great time.

You never know how any given situation will turn out, but I have been shown many times now that good can come out of any seemingly bad situation.  But we have to let go of our anger and let ourselves listen for God's voice instead.

Peanut Butter and Jelly

Here we go!  I go back to work in two days and I'm not sure how I'm doing mentally/emotionally.  I watched a video (http://fox4kc.com/2014/08/20/christmas-jammies-family-does-it-again-with-back-to-school-video/), that someone posted to my Facebook timeline, of a family singing to the tune of a popular 80's song which they newly entitled "I Like Big Buses."  Figured out what the original song was?  So they are singing about how they are glad that the summer is coming to an end and their kids are headed back to school.  At the end, they thanked all the teachers that care for their children all year long who don't get paid enough.  Well, I read the thank you and burst into tears.  Sobs, really.  And I wouldn't have been able to say why, had you asked me at the moment.  It's probably a mixture of things.

My first thought was how grateful I was to these parents who simply said thank you.  Something that teachers don't hear a whole lot anymore.  Really it was that I felt the thank you came from the same place of the heart that mine would come from.  The piece of me that aches that my children will soon be spending more time in the care of another adult and not me for the next nine and a half months.  The other influence of the flood gates being opened is just how much life is about to change with me heading back to work.  Being elsewhere for nine hours a day makes it very difficult for me to keep all the "balls in the air."  Or maybe it's all the balls as high in the air as I'd like them.  I don't know.

But I do know that God has been teaching me a lot about going to Him with the decisions in my life and listening for His voice so that He can lead me on the way I should go.  This is really a gift to me because I can be at peace with however things may go because I know that I'm not trying to control everything and am instead letting God call the shots.  This allows me to let go of all the stuff that I usually let get to me.  Instead of being a person full of anxiety about not having enough time or not knowing how I should be prioritizing the things that occupy my time or feeling like I'm not good enough to keep those "balls" flying high, I can choose to make God my priority and let him guide my days.  I can have peace with each day that I've obeyed Him and allowed Him to do with my life what He desires.  Which is something so much better than I could ever have trying to do life on my own.

As I head back into the season of my life that challenges me, I'm going to be okay with praying over the making of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich if need be; as was admitted to me by another full-time working mother of three that also has a hard time with figuring out how to balance it all.  She has decided to take it all to God...big and small...even though her husband thinks it's silly.  For whatever reason, I feel the same way she does.  The more dependent I make myself on Him, the less I will be on myself.  I need to know that each day that I'm away from my family and away from my home...I'm being used by God.  I will choose to trust Him to help me with all those "balls" or perhaps tell me to let one go or even to pick a new one up.

Learning

I am grateful for God's presence in my life.  I started praying and praising Him for who He is almost a year ago.  About four months ago, I started reading my Bible on a consistent basis.  As I have knocked once again on God's door, He has answered with arms wide open.  God has blessed me with new understandings and the privilege of His Holy Spirit working in my life.  Great is His faithfulness!

I have learned that forgiveness is the right choice even when it seems undeserved.  I have learned that love is a choice because God is love and can give us love for those we may find unlovable.  I have learned that you don't give up on something if you don't know that you have done everything God has called you to do about it and can feel at peace with your decision.  I have learned that it's OK to go to God in all things big and small and it is good to have this constant communication with Him.

I have been made more aware of the battle being waged every day with the enemy and the importance of protecting myself with God's sword and shield.  I am more aware of the enemy at work in the lives of others and the lies being whispered in their ears (and mine for that matter) that causes them to waiver on what God would have them do.

I am grateful  for the clarity He has given me and for the truths He has shown me.  I know there is so much more to learn and I am grateful that He is still willing to show me no matter how much time I've spent trying to do life on my own.  

Glorious Unfolding

I got in my car and headed to work one morning a couple of weeks ago and was feeling like my journey with God, in respect to the changes I hoped he'd make in me and in my life, weren't clear on the horizon.  I was feeling frustrated about the time I had wasted in my life trying to do things on my own and not following the path God would have had me go all those years.  As I turned out of my subdivision, I turned on the radio and a song started in perfect timing with the words, "Lay your head down tonight.  Take a rest from the fight.  Don't try to figure it out.  Just listen to what I'm whispering to your heart.  Cause I know this is not anything like you thought the story of your life was gonna be and it feels like the end has started closing in on you.  But it's just not true.  There's so much of the story that's still left to unfold.  And this is going to be a glorious unfolding."  The song was  Steven Curtis Chapman's Glorious Unfolding and I felt God speaking to me through it.  The doubt that had crept in was pushed out by the joy and hope of knowing that, in the here and now, God can still do great things with my life.

Rejoicing Always

      I recently wrote my second sermon and preached it to the Celtic Cross congregation on Mother's Day 2014.  It is titled Living a Life of Rejoicing Always.  I pray that it will always be a reminder to me of the journey I am committed to and that it  may be a blessing to others as well. 

***

It is so easy to let the things of the world take over our lives each day.  Most of our year is spent with the daily obstacles of working so that the bills can get paid, cleaning and caring for our material things, and taking care of the demands of others in our lives. 

Day in and day out, my day will typically go something like this.  The morning routine of getting myself and our two year old ready for the day while Matthew gets himself and the older two children ready for the day.  Then I’m off to a full day of work with children, colleagues and administrators.  When the work day is done, I make sure I get whatever needs to be ready for the next work day ready and follow up with colleagues and parents on the events of the day that has just finished.  Then I head home with the stresses and worries of the work day still on my mind.  Once home, it’s time to take care of the “home stuff”. 

If we don’t have to run off to dance, or baseball, or cub scouts….it’s cooking the dinner meal, cleaning up dinner and dishes and mess from the day.  Helping with homework, going through school papers, trying to keep all the information in them straight.  Bath and bedtime routines.  Filling the humidifiers, pouring the allergy medicine, picking out everyone’s clothes for tomorrow, and changing the unexpected bedtime dirty diaper.  Breaking up the sibling spats.  Feeding the animals.  Getting in a load of laundry, emptying the dishwasher, taking out the trash, updating the grocery list.  Getting more work stuff done that couldn’t be finished at work.  And hopefully, when we are on top of things enough, my husband and I may even get to spend some time with each other.

We all have our story of the way that a majority of our days go.  For some people, their work consumes more of the ins and outs of their day.  For others, it’s keeping up with children and the household.  Teenagers and young adults busy themselves with their social life, school, and whatever it takes to get them to where they think they want to get to.  We all get swept away in all the stuff we think we have to do.  We also get swept away with the stuff we want to do too.  We get swept away with the holidays, the birthday parties, the social life.  This world is so full of distractions.  We are so consumed by all of the things of the day to day of this life…this world.

I read a book recently, in which the author shared her belief that young children are still very connected to God’s world because they are not yet that engaged with the world.  I told a lady I work with about this book and the author’s thoughts and she shared with me that she believed what the author said to be true because after the father of her children died, one of her girls, who was quite young at the time, told her that her daddy had told her that he was in heaven. 

In reflecting on my life, I know that I have had times when I have been very focused on God.  For me, college was a great time of focus on a small number of things.  My classes, my boyfriend Matthew, my job as a resident assistant, and my relationship with God.   I was devoted to thinking about God in all things, and filling my time with prayer, reading the Bible, being part of a Bible study group, and fellowshipping with other Christians who were also doing their best to be focused on God.  I was open to His will being done in my life and because of that He used me in the lives of others. 

Over time, my life became filled with many of the other things of the world that fill our space and time.  I got married, bought a house, started a career, and soon started having babies.  For me, this became an overwhelming time in my life as we constantly changed homes, jobs, and added more children.  I recently read a journal entry of mine that took place in a time of my life when I know that God was not a priority.  I was a wife to a pastor and attending church every week, yet still, I wrote this entry.  “People would be shocked to know how little I read the Bible or how I can’t seem to pray anymore.  I know it’s wrong…the worst thing I can do, yet I feel helpless to change it.”

Looking back, I know how I got to that low point in my life.  I know that God was not THE priority in my life.  God was on the “backburner” for quite a few years of my life.  I now look back and realize how far from the path God would have chosen for me that I strayed.  I don’t know what He could have done with my life but I know I am not the woman today that I could have been. 

Why is it that we so easily forget who our God is?  How is it that we can so easily let the distractions of this world keep us from remembering daily that our God is I AM.  He is everything…the beginning and the end.   He is GOOD and He is LOVE.  He is LIFE and TRUTH.  He has saved us from this world and from death.  He has given us His spirit to be with us each moment of this life.  He has given us purpose.  He has given us all of this by giving us Himself. 

With all that He is to us…why is it still so easy to not make God a priority in our lives?  Well….whether we like it or not, this world we inhabit during the course of our lives is not the world God created in the beginning.  The fall of humanity really happened.  We turned away from God and tried to do it on our own a long, long, time ago.  Much like we still try to do today.  Most of us prefer not to think about the fact that Satan is constantly vying for his place in our lives…our hearts…our souls.  At times we even get so consumed with this world that we forget about our own mortality.  Until faced with it in a tragic news story or when sadly something happens to someone we know.  We easily forget what a gift each day actually is.  We forget that no matter how much we try, we can’t live this life without God…The one who gave us the very breath we breath.  When we don’t think about the one who has given us life and who has great plans for our lives….when we don’t thank Him and praise him for the great things that He is…we leave an opening for the one who wants to defeat Him by defeating us.  We allow Satan to get more leverage in this very real war that wages every moment of every day between good and evil.  If God is not your priority, then you will stray from the path He would have you go. 

There is a new song on the radio by an artist named Michael West.  It says, “I woke up this morning…saw a world full of trouble now…thought, how’d we ever get so far down.  How’s it ever gonna turn around?  So I turned my eyes to Heaven…I thought, “God, why don’t You do something?”  Well, I just couldn’t bear the thought of people living in poverty, children sold into slavery, the thought disgusted me.  So, I shook my fist at Heaven and said, “God, why don’t You do something?”  He said, “I DID, I created you.” 

If we are not making God a priority, then how can we ever live out the great life he desires for us? 

I know that I have allowed the days in my life to pass this way.  I have let Satan slowly inch me away from the path that God would have me travel…which makes me think…knowing what I know about God…knowing that what He wants to do with my life is so good…that path would surely be such an amazing journey.  I want that for my life and I want that kind of life for my children…who learn about life from watching their father and I. 

So my question to all of you is this…will you choose each day to live out the great life that God has planned for you?  He has a purpose for you…no matter how far you have strayed from him.  No matter how much you have messed things up.  God is hope.  He is love.  He is life.  He is truth. 

There is no denying that the daily ins and outs of our lives will continue.  Our life will have times of trouble.  The world will continue to distract us with many things.  So, how can we guard ourselves against the forces of evil that silently surround us?  How can we seek our Savior through it all?  What do we need to do to allow our path to be directed by God?  To live with confidence…knowing that God is with us and His plans for us are good.  Knowing that we can be free to live a life of rejoicing always…no matter what may come.  

Over the last few months of my life, I have chosen to make God the first priority in my life.  He has begun to teach me how to find my way back to a strong relationship with him through knowing who He is and praising Him for it…through spending time in prayer and in His word every day of the life He gives me, and through surrounding myself with others who will stand with me on my journey. 

In Stormie Omartian’s book The Prayer That Changes Everything, she says, “When we live a lifestyle of praise and worship, we keep our heart fresh and open to the working of the Holy Spirit in us.  We keep ourselves in the right place to hear from God and be guided by Him.  We rightly position Him as first priority in our lives.  We keep ourselves always dependent upon Him, whether things are going well or not.  This keeps us close to Him.”  With all that our God is…why wouldn’t we glorify Him with our praise?  After all, we have nothing that we could give that could ever equal what He has given us.  So know who God is and praise Him for it in all times.  Live a life of rejoicing always.     

In the scripture from the fourth chapter of Hebrews, verse 12; God’s word is described as “alive and working and is sharper than a double-edged sword.  It cuts all the way into us, where the soul and the spirit are joined, to the center of our joints and bones.  And it judges the thoughts and feelings in our hearts.”  To grow in our relationship with God, we must spend time daily in His word, praying for God to reveal who He is and listening to what He has to say to us.  The best way to do this is to be part of a group who studies the Bible together.  This gives you both accountability to ensure you spend time in God’s word and allows you the privilege of hearing God speak through others as well. 

Lastly, it is of great importance that you have close Christian friends who are also determined to grow in their walk with God.  Matthew 18, verse 20 says, “This is true because if two or three people come together in my name, I am there with them.”  If you’ve ever questioned why you go to church…this is one of the many reasons why…united we stand; divided we fall.  Our flesh is weak…we need to support each other.  Going it alone leaves us far more susceptible to the lies of the evil one.  Even Jesus tells his disciples to “Stay awake and pray for strength against temptation.  The spirit wants to do what is right, but the body is weak.”

The world will continue to distract us with many things.  The often invisible yet very real war for our lives…our hearts…and our souls will continue to be waged.  But if you choose to live out the great life God has planned for you…know who God is and praise Him for it, spend time in prayer and in God’s word every day of the life He gives you, and surround yourself with others who will stand with you on your journey.  When the hard times come…you will be confident that God is with you and His plans for you are good and you may be free to live a life of rejoicing always.