Anxiety

Growing up, I had a tough time dealing with medical stuff and myself or others suffering in any way physically.  For example, I would pass out if I scraped my knee, had to get a splinter removed, had to get a shot or a blood draw.  I would also get woozy just hearing a story about someone else that went through something health-wise or if I saw someone injured or donating blood (volunteered to help at a blood drive in college knowing that I couldn't give...big mistake, but at least I tried).  I got far better about those types of things when I was older, but developed different issues after having children.  I once would not let Matthew and Nolan go to the grocery store one night because I feared something bad was going to happen to them.  I struggled with the passing of time in reference to my children getting older and would have emotional distress over it.  If my husband and I had an argument, I nearly had a panic attack, well, one time I think I did...had a hard time breathing.

Fast forward to not too long ago when I got a phone call that an ambulance had been called for my daughter to her elementary school.  Turned out, they had been trying out new heart rate monitor bands and my daughter nearly passed out (which looked like a possible seizure) because she was nervous about wearing the band.  Once I heard all the parts of the story, I completely understood what had happened.  My daughter has the same issues I've had.  She passed out when she scraped her knee, needed a splinter removed, had a shot, and now this.  I had to put a name on it this time because I realized I would have to be able to label it to describe it to her future teachers, coaches, and caretakers.

ANXIETY. That was it.
By definition: a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome.  A nervous disorder characterized by a state of excessive uneasiness and apprehension, typically with compulsive behavior or panic attacks.

It was the first time I'd put a label on it for myself.  But even when I couldn't label what I struggled with, I was able to get a hold of it.  When I decided to make God my priority and be in relationship with Him daily through prayer and reading His word, I stopped struggling with anxiety.  When I am not spending time with my creator and redeemer, I still struggle with anxiety.

So I guess God has gifted me with some anxiety issues, in a way.  I don't have to deal with it much when I am focused on Him....which I am grateful for because I totally suck at staying focused on Him!  And I want to and I need to and I love it when I am.  Such peace, joy, clarity, hope...so many gifts from knowing Him!

Below are some bible versus that have given me peace and helped me to have strength in the face of anxiety.

Jeremiah 29:11-13
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.  You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

Romans 8:28
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Proverbs 3:6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.

Isaiah 55:9
For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.  As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.

Jeremiah 6:16
Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls.

Church

This morning, the roads were bad and so I decided that the kids and I would have church at home.  It was exciting to have an opportunity to show them that church is not about a place but about people gathered together to be with God to worship Him and learn about Him.  I prayed for God tell me what we should do in this service at home and  the picture below on the left shows you the bible versus that came to mind in that moment of prayer, as well as the music I was led to as I let my mind be open to what God would have us do.  On the right is the notes we made during the bible lesson, along with a note that one of my daughters wrote after we ended our service (God is good).

Bible Verses:

Exodus 20:22-23  Then the Lord told Moses to say these things to the Israelites: "You yourselves have seen that I talked with you from heaven.  You must not use gold or silver to make idols for yourselves; do not worship these gods in addition to me.

Jonah: Chapters 1 through 3

Music:

Word of God Speak by Mercy Me

God Speaking by Mandisa

More Observations of Time

When I stepped outside to take the dog out last night, the fog around me heightened my senses and helped me to focus on the things around me instead of my mind racing with a variety of thoughts focused on things outside of that moment in time.  I started to talk to God and to really look at everything around me.  Looking at the wood of the deck, the blades of grass, the light reflecting off of wet streets, and even the details of the outside of my house.  Things that I don't normally slow down and take the time to look at.  It jolted a memory of how I saw things when I was a child.  I remember taking the time to really look at things and really think about things.  Savoring moments more often and more thoroughly than I do now.  

This moment in my yard when I really allowed myself to look around and think about what was right in front of me, made me realize that we do that less and less as we grow older. There is always more and more to distract us from the present moment.  I think that the best way to move back in the other direction is by putting God first and spending time with Him in prayer.  When you do this and are able to put trust in the Lord with the happenings in your life, then you are able to let go of things you can't or shouldn't try to control.  You can feel peace in knowing that what you are doing is what God would have you do each day of your life.