Here we go! I go back to work in two days and I'm not sure how I'm doing mentally/emotionally. I watched a video (http://fox4kc.com/2014/08/20/christmas-jammies-family-does-it-again-with-back-to-school-video/), that someone posted to my Facebook timeline, of a family singing to the tune of a popular 80's song which they newly entitled "I Like Big Buses." Figured out what the original song was? So they are singing about how they are glad that the summer is coming to an end and their kids are headed back to school. At the end, they thanked all the teachers that care for their children all year long who don't get paid enough. Well, I read the thank you and burst into tears. Sobs, really. And I wouldn't have been able to say why, had you asked me at the moment. It's probably a mixture of things.
My first thought was how grateful I was to these parents who simply said thank you. Something that teachers don't hear a whole lot anymore. Really it was that I felt the thank you came from the same place of the heart that mine would come from. The piece of me that aches that my children will soon be spending more time in the care of another adult and not me for the next nine and a half months. The other influence of the flood gates being opened is just how much life is about to change with me heading back to work. Being elsewhere for nine hours a day makes it very difficult for me to keep all the "balls in the air." Or maybe it's all the balls as high in the air as I'd like them. I don't know.
But I do know that God has been teaching me a lot about going to Him with the decisions in my life and listening for His voice so that He can lead me on the way I should go. This is really a gift to me because I can be at peace with however things may go because I know that I'm not trying to control everything and am instead letting God call the shots. This allows me to let go of all the stuff that I usually let get to me. Instead of being a person full of anxiety about not having enough time or not knowing how I should be prioritizing the things that occupy my time or feeling like I'm not good enough to keep those "balls" flying high, I can choose to make God my priority and let him guide my days. I can have peace with each day that I've obeyed Him and allowed Him to do with my life what He desires. Which is something so much better than I could ever have trying to do life on my own.
As I head back into the season of my life that challenges me, I'm going to be okay with praying over the making of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich if need be; as was admitted to me by another full-time working mother of three that also has a hard time with figuring out how to balance it all. She has decided to take it all to God...big and small...even though her husband thinks it's silly. For whatever reason, I feel the same way she does. The more dependent I make myself on Him, the less I will be on myself. I need to know that each day that I'm away from my family and away from my home...I'm being used by God. I will choose to trust Him to help me with all those "balls" or perhaps tell me to let one go or even to pick a new one up.
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