Present in the Moment

Aaah....the great struggle to be present in the moment.  To truly live in the now.  Some purposely avoid living in the moment because it is painful.  Others believe that the future will be better and so they keep dreaming about tomorrow.  Think of how many times in your life you just wanted to know so badly how it all would turn out.  More times than you can count, I'm sure.  But we're not in our heavenly home yet.  It's not time yet to know how it all turned out.  We're in the thick of the battle. Moment by moment, decision by decision.  

I imagine our lives as a road map far more complicated than any real road map.  But the only parts you see at any given time are each based on all the possible decisions we could make at any given moment.  One of these roads is the one that God would have us choose.  The one that is in line with His will if we choose to be in relationship with Him and allow Him to guide us in our decision.  We may choose His way or we may choose another.  I believe that when we choose a road other than the one He would have us choose, new roads arise with our next decision and the awesomeness of our God is that these new roads always include His road.  He never leaves us.  He is always making a way for us that is good.  Not necessarily easy or only full of happy moments but one that is purposeful, without regrets, brave, meaningful and joy filled no matter what the world throws our way.

Be present.  See in each moment the roads before you and always seek to find the one that God would have you choose.  We all have moments that we choose the wrong roads.  I know that daily I take several side streets that were not God's way.  In my life I have also taken far too many of the wrong main roads and even highways too.  But no matter how much I've made a mess of things and no matter how much the enemy wants me to think I'm stuck in a traffic jam that I can't get out of (that feeling of hopelessness); God makes a way.  Wherever you are on your road map...find God's road.  Find peace there.  Find purpose there.  Find joy there.  Find unconditional love there.

Jeremiah 29:11 New International Version (NIV)
For I know the plans I have for you, "declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Brandon Heath's No Turning Back
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P_TGh9-iabM

Patience with Persistence...and always Prayer

I have had some moments over the last year that have left me with lingering feelings about what God would have done in my life.  These moments rush in with a sense of urgency and leave me feeling so grateful that God would entrust me to carry out His will.  I immediately want to throw caution to the wind and act on these feelings but often find roadblocks along the way.  

I have learned the importance of patience and continued trust in God, and more recently, the importance of persistence.  These roadblocks do not necessarily mean that those moments were not of God.  The enemy is constantly at work and would hate to have God's will fulfilled through me.  So I must press on and continue to pray and hear the voice of truth above all the other voices.  

I have also learned that I cannot just sit back and wait for what God spoke to me to fall in my lap.  I must act on it as He directs me to.  Once again, it's gotten hard to keep my priority focused on the Lord....so...I think it's time for peanut butter and jelly prayer (see my previous post Peanut Butter and Jelly, August 24, 2014)!  

This post brought a great song to my mind.  Here's the link:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9pv5wVS7yzk

The Choice

We all make mistakes.  Some of those mistakes have bigger ramifications than others.  When the regret rolls in and the pain, shame, and feelings of worthlessness or hopelessness start to cloud our view; we have two roads to choose between.  The story of Jesus, His journey to the cross and His relationship with two of His disciples exemplifies this choice.  

Peter and Judas were both his devoted followers and friends.  But Judas had a part to play in God's will so that we all may be eternally saved and live a joyful life.  He betrayed Jesus and sent Him into the hands of those who would torture and kill Him.  Peter also betrays Jesus.  To avoid the same fate as Jesus, he denies ever knowing him.  After Jesus' death, they are both overwhelmed with regret for the choices they made.  But they make two very different choices, one turns toward God and the other away.  Peter allows himself to be forgiven and be used powerfully by God throughout his life.  Judas stays focused on himself and on what he has done.  The darkness continues to grow as he chooses to walk further away from God and he ultimately takes his own life.

I see in their stories how great God's love is.  No matter how bad we screw up, God is always there hoping that we will take the road that Peter did.  He loved Peter and Judas just as much as He loves us, as a parent loves each of their children.  He forgave Peter and used him in amazing ways and He would have forgiven Judas too and used him in amazing ways.  

For every weakness we have, God's spirit is strong.  For every regret we carry, God is merciful to forgive.  When the way is unclear, turn to Him, He is waiting to do amazing things with you.

Staying Connected

I've been feeling a sense of restlessness for the last few weeks and it's been hard to discern why.  I've realized that the difficulty with my ability to discern is most likely caused by my letting the craziness of December get me away from prioritizing my alone time with God.  I hadn't had enough time in relationship with Him and I started to feel the downward spiral from living life more in tune with God to living life out of tune and on my own.  When I started to realize this, I got angry about Christmas.  I seem to have the hardest time staying close to God as the world is supposedly preparing to celebrate the gift of Christ to the world.  There are many contributing factors.  Including that by December I have been back at work for a few months at this point and am not as fresh, the weather is colder and the daylight shorter, and all the added stuff to do.

The fact that I was desiring growth and change but not staying connected to the one who can show me how to make this happen, ended up spelling internal chaos for me instead (and as a result some external too...sorry family!).

I've never been much of a fan of the new year, but in connecting it to renewal with God and giving him each day and moment of 2015, I'm feeling like it's my Christmas.  I will be praying for continued trust and faith but in conjunction with prioritized time in relationship with God.  I believe He will renew me and give me the love, patience, wisdom, trust, and persistence I need to live life in a way that requires faith but leads to greatness for God.

Lord I'm Ready Now

Someone was recently talking to me about their journey with God.  They admitted a lot of time spent "going it alone" rather than walking with God and our conversation made me think of (myself...and) the song, Lord I'm Ready Now, by Plum. Earlier in the week, I had listened to a radio segment where the artist shared the story of why she wrote the song.  She shared how her and her husband ended up divorced because she was living life on her own.  God was not her priority and she was distracted by many things of the world.  In the end, she gave her life over to God and her relationship with her husband was eventually restored.

Here's the link to the song on YouTube in case you need some inspiration.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zBUQqLp6N24

Anger

I aught to know by now not to get angry over small things.  I was angry with Matthew the other day because he forgot that he had signed up to sell popcorn this weekend and missed his opportunity to pick up the popcorn; which meant that I had to miss the class I usually take at the gym in order to pick up the popcorn the next day while he was at the Michigan State football game.  It turned out that the class I ended up going to was really good and it was earlier in the morning so I was able to take Nolan and Lyla to play tennis.  It was a beautiful day and we had such a great time.

You never know how any given situation will turn out, but I have been shown many times now that good can come out of any seemingly bad situation.  But we have to let go of our anger and let ourselves listen for God's voice instead.

Peanut Butter and Jelly

Here we go!  I go back to work in two days and I'm not sure how I'm doing mentally/emotionally.  I watched a video (http://fox4kc.com/2014/08/20/christmas-jammies-family-does-it-again-with-back-to-school-video/), that someone posted to my Facebook timeline, of a family singing to the tune of a popular 80's song which they newly entitled "I Like Big Buses."  Figured out what the original song was?  So they are singing about how they are glad that the summer is coming to an end and their kids are headed back to school.  At the end, they thanked all the teachers that care for their children all year long who don't get paid enough.  Well, I read the thank you and burst into tears.  Sobs, really.  And I wouldn't have been able to say why, had you asked me at the moment.  It's probably a mixture of things.

My first thought was how grateful I was to these parents who simply said thank you.  Something that teachers don't hear a whole lot anymore.  Really it was that I felt the thank you came from the same place of the heart that mine would come from.  The piece of me that aches that my children will soon be spending more time in the care of another adult and not me for the next nine and a half months.  The other influence of the flood gates being opened is just how much life is about to change with me heading back to work.  Being elsewhere for nine hours a day makes it very difficult for me to keep all the "balls in the air."  Or maybe it's all the balls as high in the air as I'd like them.  I don't know.

But I do know that God has been teaching me a lot about going to Him with the decisions in my life and listening for His voice so that He can lead me on the way I should go.  This is really a gift to me because I can be at peace with however things may go because I know that I'm not trying to control everything and am instead letting God call the shots.  This allows me to let go of all the stuff that I usually let get to me.  Instead of being a person full of anxiety about not having enough time or not knowing how I should be prioritizing the things that occupy my time or feeling like I'm not good enough to keep those "balls" flying high, I can choose to make God my priority and let him guide my days.  I can have peace with each day that I've obeyed Him and allowed Him to do with my life what He desires.  Which is something so much better than I could ever have trying to do life on my own.

As I head back into the season of my life that challenges me, I'm going to be okay with praying over the making of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich if need be; as was admitted to me by another full-time working mother of three that also has a hard time with figuring out how to balance it all.  She has decided to take it all to God...big and small...even though her husband thinks it's silly.  For whatever reason, I feel the same way she does.  The more dependent I make myself on Him, the less I will be on myself.  I need to know that each day that I'm away from my family and away from my home...I'm being used by God.  I will choose to trust Him to help me with all those "balls" or perhaps tell me to let one go or even to pick a new one up.